How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
