i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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