I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
