Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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