why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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