I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
