i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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