Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
