How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
