Jerry, you need to find god
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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