So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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