you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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