I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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