What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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