i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
