not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
