if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
