The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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