i just had sex bonerless
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
