at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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