weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im holly from the hills drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
