i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
