hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you made out with another girl for some wings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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