Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
