Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
