Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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