this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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