it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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