apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
