Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
