Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
