I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
