I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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