I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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