Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
