the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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