I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
