are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
