Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
