Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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