yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
