She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
