I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize