Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
