U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
