so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
