If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize