i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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