Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
