turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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