I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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