Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one two three fourrrrnication!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
