i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my shit smells like andre
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
