she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
