just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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