That's intense
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
