His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My cat gives me a boner
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
