I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
