It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
