what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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