i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
