talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
