And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
