Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
