i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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